If you keep hearing about Internal Family Systems and wonder what it actually means, here is a plain-language look at how the model works and what a session can be like.
IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems) is an evidence-based approach that understands each of us as having different parts, each trying in its own way to help, along with a calm, curious, compassionate core called Self. In a session, you might notice a part, get curious about what it is trying to protect, and begin relating to it from Self, at a pace that feels safe for you and with the protective system’s trust and permission. It is often slower and quieter than people expect.
Internal Family Systems was developed by Richard Schwartz. The idea at its center is simple: having different parts is normal. Many people already talk this way. “Part of me wants to go to the party, and part of me wants to stay home.” “I know I did fine, but some part of me keeps replaying it.”
IFS takes that everyday language seriously. It is an evidence-based approach that helps you get to know these parts with curiosity and compassion and understand what they’re trying to protect. Instead of treating the inner critic, the worry, or the urge to keep everyone happy as problems to get rid of, it treats them as parts with their own feelings, fears, and reasons. Parts often take on protective roles based on what we’ve experienced. They may still be doing that job long after it was needed, and they may be tired from doing it.
So the work is less about changing parts and more about getting to know them: what they are afraid would happen if they stopped, what they need, and how they might relate differently to you and to each other. None of them are the enemy.
In the IFS model, parts are often grouped by the roles they play.
IFS calls these painful feelings and beliefs burdens: things a part picked up along the way that were never really its own, like the shame that was never yours to carry. Even the parts that feel difficult are understood as trying to help, in the best way they know how.
Beneath and alongside all of these parts, IFS describes Self: the calm, curious, compassionate core of who you are. Self is not something you have to build or earn. In this model, it is already there, even when it is crowded out by parts that are working hard.
Schwartz describes eight qualities of Self, often called the 8 C’s:
You don’t need to feel all eight, or any of them, to begin. Often Self shows up in small ways, like a moment of being able to look at a familiar pattern and think, “Huh. I wonder why that part does that,” instead of “What is wrong with me?” That shift from judgment to curiosity is a big part of what IFS is about.
If parts work becomes part of what we do together, no two sessions look the same, but many follow a loose rhythm.
We might start with whatever is on your mind: a conversation you keep replaying, a decision you are second-guessing, a moment where you said yes and wished you hadn’t. When something feels charged, we slow down and notice what’s happening without judging it or trying to make the part go away. Where do you notice it? Is there a thought, a feeling, a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach?
From there, we might get curious about the part behind it. What is it feeling? What is it afraid might happen? What is it trying to protect? Some people get words, some get images, some just get a sense of something. All of that counts.
Pace matters a lot in this work. Protectors are not pushed aside. If a part doesn’t want to go somewhere yet, that is information, and we listen to it. Anything deeper happens only when there is enough safety and readiness, and with the protective system’s trust and permission. Some sessions are spent simply getting to know one protector, and that is real work too.
There is often a lot of ordinary talking in between, and sometimes there is laughing. It can feel less like a technique and more like a conversation, getting curious together about what’s underneath. Healing is not linear, and we honor the pace of your whole system throughout the process.
No, you don’t have to do anything out loud that feels uncomfortable. Some people notice their parts quietly, with eyes open or closed, and then share what they noticed. Others prefer to just talk about the part, the way you might talk about a friend. Both are fine.
It can feel a little strange at first, and that is okay to say. A skeptical part is still a part, and it is welcome too. Often the skeptical part has good reasons, and getting curious about it can be a gentle place to start.
That happens, and it is not a sign that you are doing it wrong. Sometimes a part is cautious about being seen, and quiet is its way of protecting you. Sometimes the mind goes blank, or a thinking part starts analyzing. In IFS, those are parts too, and we can get curious about them instead. There is no right amount to feel, see, or say.
If you are curious to try a small version on your own, some people find it helpful to pause the next time the inner critic pipes up and simply notice it, without arguing. You might ask it, silently, “What are you worried would happen if you stopped?” and see what, if anything, comes back. If it feels like too much, you can stop at any point.
IFS doesn’t have to stand alone. Its curiosity and compassion toward your inner world can sit comfortably next to other ways of working, such as mindfulness and self-compassion, grounding and body awareness, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which can help you make room for what you can’t control while putting your energy into what matters most to you.
In practice, a session might move between them. Therapy is tailored to you: we use what helps, and skip what does not.
IFS-informed parts work is one of the approaches I may draw from in our work together, depending on what you need. In practice, we start by getting to know you and your story, then work with compassion, mindfulness, parts work, and grounding, at a pace that feels right for you.
If you are looking for a clinician who works with the full IFS model, it is worth asking about their training when you reach out. That is a fair question to ask any therapist, including me.
I offer online therapy for individuals 18+ in Florida and Ontario, in English or Spanish. Sessions are 60 minutes by secure video, Monday through Thursday. Your couch counts as an office.
You don’t have to know which parts you have, or whether this approach is right for you, to begin. Rather than judging the parts of you that have been working so hard, we can get curious about them together and make space for a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
A free 15 minute consult by video or phone is a low-pressure way to meet, ask anything (including whether parts work feels like a fit), and see how it feels. You don’t need to know exactly what you’re struggling with. There’s nothing you need to prepare, and there’s no obligation at the end.
Book a free 15 minute consult